Unconditional love from family and friends gave me a safe place from which to take two steps forward, one step back, one step sideways.
Reflections at 40 – Saying No – 18/40
Of course, I never said a flat out ‘No’ to someone’s face. That was a step too far for me, someone who was addicted to people-pleasing.
Reflections at 40 – Permission – 17/40
Why is it that we need to get permission to do the things we know we need to do? Is it because they always involve disappointing someone?
Reflections at 40 – Help – 16/40
I thought it was arrogant and unrealistic of me to want the achieving without wanting to pay the price everyone else was paying.
Reflections at 40 – Stories – 15/40
Telling ourselves we’re ‘great’, or ‘doing a good job’, or daring to articulate the big dreams we have goes against much of our social programming.
Reflections at 40 – Sabotage – 14/40
When it comes to change, it’s easy to see self-sabotage and regression as the same thing because they lead to the same place.
Reflections at 40 – Regression – 13/40
It was tough to live. For those who loved me it was frustrating to watch. And I beat myself up mercilessly for every regression.
Reflections at 40 – Values – 12/40
Whenever I find myself struggling and going into what I call ‘grasping’ mode, I know it’s time to check in with my values.
Reflections at 40 – Magic Bullets – 11/40
Whenever I’m really struggling, I go searching for magic bullets and secret sauces. I become convinced there’s ‘one thing’ that’s just going to ‘change everything’
Reflections at 40 – Therapy – 10/40
I knew how much work lay ahead of me in terms of getting better, and, frankly, I was terrified of what that work looked like.
Reflections at 40 – Rock Bottom – 9/40
I just couldn’t see how or when things were going to get ‘better’, and it occurred to me that it would be easier for everyone if I was gone.
Reflections at 40 – Resilience – 8/40
My husband knew I was stressed, depressed and distant, and did what he could to help. But the fact was, I didn’t want help.
Reflections at 40 – Babies – 7/40
Confronted by heaving sobs upon his confirmation, my doctor was bewildered, ‘What’s so awful about being pregnant right now?’
Reflections at 40 – Choices – 6/40
When you’re someone who bases their self-worth on hearing people say, “Wow, you’re amazing” a lot of choices are swept off the table.
Reflections at 40 – Coping – 5/40
Call it ‘diversifying your gold star portfolio’. If you’re performing poorly in one area of your life, no worries, you can ramp up another two. Or ten.
Reflections at 40 – Regret – 4/40
I’m not one for acting or speaking rashly. Which is why, when I look back on the past 40 years, there are only two things I genuinely regret.
Reflections at 40 – Business – 3/40
Every client had different expectations about speed, quality and price. Instead of ascertaining what those expectations were, I made assumptions instead.
Reflections at 40 – Triathlon – 2/40
Improvement is what drove me. People thought I loved being competitive with others. The reality was, the person I’ve always most loved competing with is myself.
Reflections at 40 – School – 1/40
Remember the episode of The Simpsons where the teachers are on strike and Lisa falls to her knees and begs Marge: ‘Grade me, grade me!’. That was me.
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