5 ways I currently don’t have my shit together

Kelly Exeter Random musings 30 Comments


A few weeks ago I shared in a subscriber email that I was struggling with a spot of depression. (A spot that, thankfully, seems to have moved on now.)

Someone wrote back to me in a comment, (not in a malicious way), that it was a relief to hear ‘even people like you don’t always have it all together’.

I remarked back to her that no one, literally no one, has it all together. Ever!

Everyone I know, no matter how bright and shiny their life looks on the surface, has stuff they’re dealing on a daily basis.

Now I don’t know about those people, but I, personally, don’t tend to don’t share that stuff because:

  1. I like to present a positive face to the world.
  2. I consider my ‘stuff’ to be generally boring.

But in the interests of transparency, mixed with my deep fear of being thought to only ever share the ‘bright and shiny’, here are five ways I currently don’t have my shit together:

1. I’m thinking about money too much

I’ve always had a funny relationship with money. Money was scarce when I was a kid and that continued when I became an adult. (You know – that whole ‘my paycheque is spent before it even hits my bank account’ thing.)  And it was especially scarce in the early years of my business.

Currently, for me, money isn’t abundant. But it’s also not what any reasonable person would call ‘scarce’ either. Try telling that to my brain. When it comes to money it seems to think there are only two states: “We’ll be out on the street tomorrow if we’re not careful,” and “Hooray, so much money I don’t have to think about money.” The former is where my brain is at right now no matter how much I try to rationalise with it.

2. I’m eating too much

I’m not sure what’s triggered this off, (ok, I do, it’s probably stress), but I’m eating too much. It’s all really good, nutritious food – but I am eating too much of it. I’ve worked very hard over the past five or so years to approach eating in a healthy fashion but have slipped in the past few months and now am back to thinking about food all the time. This is not where I want to be.

3. I’m not getting quite enough sleep

I need seven hours of sleep a night to thrive and I’m currently getting around six hours because it’s taking me a bit longer than normal to fall asleep at night. Again, this is probably a stress thing and I have many tactics to deal with it … but I can only deal with one thing at a time and my key priority at the moment is calming my brain down about money.

4. My kids are spending far too much time on screens

I’m finding that right now, I’m mentally fried by 5pm in the afternoon. This means I have zero tolerance for whining and acting out from my kids. Which is a problem isn’t it? Because by 5pm they, too, are tired and inclined to whine and act out. So I send them away from me to watch tv or play on their iPads because if they’re not on those things, they require me to do stuff with them or referee their arguments and I just don’t have the energy. I don’t like how much I’m outsourcing my parenting to these devices currently.

5. I’m spending far too much time in my head

Which means I appear vague, distracted and unavailable to the people around me. Especially the people I love the most and spend the most time with. Not ideal.


But … here’s the kicker team. Despite the multitude of ways I currently don’t have my shit together:

  • I still have the ability to laugh at, and with, my kids.
  • I still have time to lie in Ant’s arms in bed for 10 minutes in the morning when our alarms go off.
  • I’m doing good work here and here.
  • I’m still finding time to write stuff I am really proud of.
  • I still have a lot of whitespace.
  • I might be pretty tired right now, but I’m also pretty happy and content with life.

How can this be?

Well it’s because happiness and contentment don’t come from having it all together folks. It comes from being able to cut ourselves slack for the areas where we don’t have it together. And from being both aware of, and grateful for, the areas that we do.

Comments 30

    1. Post

      Thank you Jess. I have to admit I didn’t let myself think too much before pressing ‘Publish’. Else I suspect I wouldn’t have!

  1. Loved this subject line and bravo for putting it out there. Its easy to think that people with businesses, books, podcasts and blogs must be totally together but there’s always reality. Thanks for reminding us.

    1. Post

      Such a pleasure Mia. As someone pointed out to me – what I’ve described is ‘just life’. And she is so right!

  2. Hi Kelly:

    Thumbs up: I’ve been taking to heart some of what the late great Alan Watts said about me being okay, right now, just as I am, and truly believing it. It makes it a lot easier to live in the moment. He’s on YouTube as audio with non-associated video and I suggest you look him up; maybe he can help ground you.

    Thumbs down: I’m not doing what I really want to do with my life, yet–write, start my blog, and exercise.

    Thanks for the writing and honesty <3

    1. Post

      Thanks so much for that Vickie – I will definitely look him up!

      And with the stuff you’re not doing … yet. Remember, just start. No matter how small, a start is a start 🙂

  3. Sounds like you’re doing fine Kelly. I like to think of myself as a yoga teacher whose yoga veneer cracks quite a bit of the time, but there’s always another yoga class or deep breath. I’m not single-tasking enough (hence me reading this post whilst I should be working on something). And I’m also eating/drinking too much.

    1. Post

      I wonder if the onset of winter has anything to do with the eating/drinking thing?! The cold weather just makes me want to eat ALL THE FOOD!

  4. Are you fucking reading my mind, or what, Kelly? Tomorrow, when I get my 10,000 steps in, I’ll be listening to both of your podcasts for the week. I Can’t Wait to listen to Straight and Curly. Seriously? 10,000 Steps? I bet it’ll be a Hoot!

    No, seriously, I’m in the midst of a Depression myself. The fact that I recognize it should mean that I’m nearing the “end” of it, and Yet… can’t seem to quite step outta that damn hole. Here’s my latest blog post: https://kickinaroundideas.blogspot.com/2016/05/national-wine-day-and-other-nonsense.html?showComment=1464237516260#c6630647307009820113

    I do think WAY too much about money, and I’m not sure if I’m eating too much, but sometimes it does feel like it (like you, it’s all “healthy” but still Too Much)… don’t have kids to worry about, so somehow #3-5 don’t really apply to me.

    But thank you for this post. It’s been a few days since I caught up, so this was a good one to “catch up” with.

    1. Post

      I think when we come from a place of scarcity with money – it’s a bloody hard habit to shake. If it’s not ridiculously abundant, then it’s scarce!

  5. Thank you for sharing. So many of us struggle with that stuff but feel like we’re the only ones. Right now I feel like I don’t have my shit together because I had surgery 8 days ago and I have to rest all the time (read: I don’t get out much which leads to lots of navel gazing and a lack of social confidence) and I hate how it’s the biggest topic in my life right now and even I’m sick of hearing about it. It’s been one of those YEARS so far, really. My health has felt like it affects everything.
    I was going to write a blog post with a similar theme, actually, and then stumbled across this one, so it really resonates! I will try to follow through and share it soon xx

    1. Post

      Surgery + rest + lots of time with our thoughts is not a great combination! Lucky we have writing right?! Gets all those crappy thoughts out 🙂

  6. So nice to find a post so relevant and honest. I am kicking goals with having dinner cooked before kids get home from school and have let the ball totally drop on my eating and exercise. Hence have put on weight which makes me feel crap. But like you i am reflecting on the positives and giving myself a break xxxx

    1. Post
  7. I can totally relate to the money thing. I’m an absolute FREAK about money. Not having enough or wondering where it’s coming from. So that’s always on the forefront of my mind.

    I have constant health problems at the moment but I am getting help (just had a fab remedial massage).

    I suffer from parenting guilt. Not giving my son enough quality time. This has to change.

    Aside from that shit, the rest of my daily life looks and feels good.

    I have work on the go. I make dinner every night. I sleep on a brand new bed (omg…love it). And my marriage is surviving each day at a time.

    Thanks for another honest, helpful post Kelly.

    1. Post

      I think this is the important thing to acknowledge – it’s that despite everything not being ‘perfect’ – life is still pretty bloody good right?!

  8. Hey Kelly,

    You, woman, are always an inspiration to me!

    I have the same money and food issues as you except I really am in shit this week! Harder because last month was great so I keep hoping that’ll continue then I fall on my face. My health is finally moving forward but I’m the fattest I’ve been in years so between money and appearance – pretty lonely and not wanting to dump that on others given I’M the one meant to be doing the inspiring, empowering, & healing others….

    On the exciting side, I’ve made a HUGE decision about the direction of my business and my life. It’s going to be a massive undertaking, and I’m scared silly but the universe is sending me angels that keep offering to help which is amazing – not in the least, because I’ve finally learned to accept when its offered to me.

    So like you, lots where I don’t have my shit together, but so very grateful for the good shit that’s landed and is carrying me through. Just keep trusting the universe will love, support and have my back;)

    You’ve got this Kel, we all do, even when it feels like we don’t xxx

    1. Post

      Hey Jo – that’s sounds so exciting!! Hooray for the good shit!! There’s so much more of that stuff flying around than we think!

  9. Hi Kelly, I enjoy your blog and can relate to the times of depression. I have recently had the shock of hearing of an acquaintance who ended her own life during a recent bout of depression. It was very sad to hear, but I am sharing this because of I comment I read about the incident which sheds some light on the darkness, and I thought it was worth sharing.

    “.. But what I wanted to share was an acknowledging of the shadow that came to overtake Judi – my experience is she felt this shadow had no value, that when this shadow had her in its grips she couldn’t reach out or show herself as the shadow, in fact she showed the depth of this shadow to few people… I have a personal and professional intimacy with shadows – and I know their depth and value is rarely honoured in our society. A big shadow is very hard to bare – share your shadow it’s not a lesser part of you… I wish I could have done more to assist Judi to integrate this shadow… And yet I honour her choices. Much love to you all and I know Judi will have really loved the flamboyance today and the honouring of the huge amount of love and life her spirit held…” Araleena

    1. Post

      Thanks so much for sharing that with me Petra xxx I am so sorry about your friend. It’s always hard when the pain of being here on earth gets too much for someone 🙁

  10. I can imagine this was hard to share as you are an amazingly determined, disciplined, high achieving person. I hope you find your steady pace through this and are back to the version of yourself you feel totally at peace with.

    In the interests of answering your question above, I am in a “mid-life” realignment period that’s lasted since I left my job last September. I didn’t anticipate being away from work for so long but I’m really not sure what to do next. I wish I had clarity, confidence and probably courage, on what to pursue next instead of feeling at as at sea as I do. I think a lot too and feel I have many pieces of the puzzle but just no idea how to bring the shiz together. In the meantime, I keep rolling with the daily routine for now.

    1. Post

      Lol, the only way I could press publish was to not allow myself to think about it too much!!

      And I hate that feeling of being at sea 🙁 Maybe you need to take the pressure off getting everything to fit together perfectly by being willing to leave the puzzle incomplete for a short while? Just so you can feel like you’re being proactive?

  11. I seem to worry about finances a lot and I’m in a fortunate position whereby I don’t need too but I do! Putting so much pressure on myself to get the cheapest best deals & hours of looking on the net when deciding about purchases thinking I’m at risk of getting ripped off. If only I could redirect that energy into something more fulfilling but not sure how..?

    1. Post

      It’s crazy isn’t it? It’s a scarcity mindset and even though I know I have it – it’s hard to shake!

  12. One way I don’t have my shit together: My wife is on disability for chronic illnesses (yes, plural). Lately, her anxiety is quite high and I am giving her control over when I go to bed and thus I am getting really crappy sleep.

    One way I do have my shit together: I am making time for my artwork, getting a couple commissions, and making some of the best personal stuff of my life.

    1. Post

      I’m so glad to hear you’re getting that important time for your artwork and getting commissions too Michael – that’s so wonderful!

  13. Oh Kelly, thank you for sharing this. It is so spot on. I want to be able to make you feel better – but of course I can’t. So I’ll just send you a virtual hug (I’ll be around for a real hug soon) and remind you to be kind to yourself – someone wise told me that 😉

    1. Post

      Thank so much lovely. And I’ve amended the post to remind myself (and everyone else) that life can be pretty awesome even when we don’t have our shit totally together!!

  14. Hats off to you Kelly for sharing your personal struggles, that in truth, we ALL deal with. Reading your post made me really take stock of where I’m at with all of this and I have to say THANK YOU. We can’t move forward until we are honest with what is blocking us. I’ve written my list and am excited to get my shit back together.

    I absolutely love your blog, give yourself a big pat on the back and be proud because you are GREAT xx.

    1. Post

      Thanks so much Kayla. And thank you so much for joining in with your own post. The more we all admit we don’t have it together, the more we’re all able to get on with doing the best we can – and being ok with that!

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