How to prioritise when you want to do everything

You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.

I’ve always known this, but for the longest time, it didn’t stop me. Trying to do everything, that is.

When you’re a driven person, opportunities are everywhere and when someone cool wants to work with you, or the chance arises to climb another rung on the ladder, or strike another thing off the bucket list, it’s hard to let that opportunity go.

So, what do we do?

We get more organised. Operate at even higher level of efficiency. Shave 30 minutes off task x so there is now room in our lives for task y.

We all know the problem with this, however. It’s a guaranteed and fast path to overwhelm because when we schedule every minute of our days down to the last second, there’s no whitespace, no room for shit to happen (and it will) and certainly no time to just ‘be’.

Here are the mindsets I call on to prioritise effectively when I catch myself trying to do ‘everything’ and have to make some hard choices:

1. ‘Opportunities’ are like buses

There’s always another one just around the corner. That amazing opportunity you know deep in your heart you just don’t have time for right now? The one you’re tempted to take on because it might never come up again? There will be another. It might not be the same exact opportunity, but another of its calibre will come along.

2. Nothing is ever as amazing as it looks on the surface

I remember years ago when I first started blogging, all the hot bloggers of the time were invited to a big awards ceremony and party. They looked like they were having so much fun and I felt insanely jealous that I wasn’t well-known enough to be invited. Then I remembered that I don’t really like parties. Or making small talk with people I don’t know very well. Or the logistics involved with getting my family organised so I can jump on a plane and head interstate for a day.

The truth is, nothing is ever as great as it seems (in the same way nothing is ever as bad as it seems). Much of our jumping at opportunities comes from the fear of missing out. And the reality is, what we’re missing out on isn’t anywhere near as good as it looks on the surface.

3. You have more time than you think

Jenna Price wrote the most amazing article on this topic just this week. At age 60, not only is she still working, she’s loving her work and loving the ability to do so without the insane juggle all of us in our 30s and 40s are experiencing. The reality is, we’re all going to be working well into our 60s too. Because we’ll want to. Which means we have 20-30 more years to achieve our professional life goals. Which means we’ve got time to pause in our climb up the ladder to take a rest, or even – God forbid – enjoy the view from where we are once in a while!

4. There’s more than one way to skin a core value

It will come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog that one of my core values is achievement. The beauty of that value is: there are so many ways to satisfy it. The main reason we run into trouble is when we try to satisfy it according to the ‘people like me do things like this’ principle.

When I was a triathlete, people like me did Ironman events. That was what ‘achievement’ looked like. So I started training for one. Thankfully, I came to my senses one day (after a particularly horrendous six-hour ride). I realised I could satisfy my own personal ‘need to achieve’ in the sport by doing Half-Ironmans – a distance I actually enjoyed racing over.

As a writer, ‘achievement’ for people like me looks like a publishing deal. But it can also look like self-publishing three books and having people write to you and tell you one of your books has genuinely changed their life.

When you sit down and look at the core values that drive your behaviour, you’ll start to see that there are many different ways to satisfy those core values. And hopefully you’ll also be able to see where you’ve been caught up in striving for something simply because that’s what your peers are striving for.

(Another example: a staggering number of people I’ve come across in the online world did Law degrees after high school/college simply because they ‘got the score/grades’ for Law School and if you got those grades, that’s what you did. Then they finished those degrees and discovered they didn’t actually want to be a lawyer. While I don’t think any life experience is ever a waste, it still pains me to see people pursuing a line of study they’re not really interested in.)

5. Be at peace with your current season of life

Maybe you’re the parent of young kids. Maybe you’re in the early stages of building a business. Maybe your partner is ill.

The demands all these things put on your life can really chafe.

This is a good time to again refer to Jenna Price’s piece.

Nothing is forever. Our kids become more independent. Our businesses become successful enough that we can step out of them. Our ill partner gets better. As mentioned already:

  • While opportunities might pass us by during certain seasons of our life, there will always be others.
  • We have so much more time than we think.
  • When you look back, you will regret missing the opportunity to be truly present and content in the current season of your life much more than you will any of the other opportunities you pass on.

6. Practise the subtle art of self-compassion

When you find yourself fretting and overwhelmed, write down exactly how you are feeling. Let it sit for a day. The next day, pick up those words and read them as if they were written by a friend of yours. What advice would you give that friend? Now, give yourself permission to follow that advice.

Too often we think we’re ‘different’; that what applies to other people doesn’t apply to us. We think we’re superheroes.

Fact is, we’re not. We’re just the same as everyone else and need to extend the same level of kindness and permission to ourselves that we extend to others.

7. Get comfortable with fairly constant re-calibration

Here’s the cycle my life currently follows:

  • I feel overwhelmed by all the things I’ve committed to.
  • I do a rationalisation exercise where I look at everything I’ve got going on, figure out which are the most important to me/which are taking me closer to the life I want to live … and then un-commit myself from the things that don’t tick those boxes.
  • Life eases up for a while. I have whitespace. It’s nice.
  • An opportunity presents itself. I take it on because that’s why I freed up time – to be able to take on cool stuff.
  • Another opportunity presents itself, I take that on too.
  • Eventually, I find myself feeling a bit overwhelmed again.
  • I resist the temptation to berate myself (see point 6 above).
  • I do a new rationalisation/recalibration exercise …

I reckon I re-calibrate once every 8-12 months. The trigger is when that feeling of extreme overwhelm lasts for more than two weeks. Recalibrating once every 8-12 months might seem crazy but it beats the heck out of what I used to do which was exist in a permanent state of stress and anxiety not to mention burnout all the time and have changes forced on me.

8. Resist the urge to normalise overwhelm

Everywhere you look, you see people just like you – rushing madly from one thing to another with barely any time to breathe. This is just life, right? Especially for those of us who are parents.

Well, it’s not.

Just because everyone is doing something doesn’t make it right.

We need to stop normalising overwhelm. We need to know where the line between ‘pleasantly busy’ and ‘on the edge of burnout’ is … and stop walking it.

We need to start giving ourselves to step back and re-calibrate on a regular basis.

And what I’ve noticed is this: when we give ourselves this permission, by default we’re giving others permission they need to do the same.

 

Comments 16

  1. The people who go into law because they have the grades to is such a good example. I was told in years 11 & 12 that I should be applying to an IT program and I had my high school’s support to apply for a women in IT scholarship and all this wonderful stuff… none of which took into account the fact I didn’t want to study IT!

    1. Post
      Author

      So funny right? I understand the desire to push people into things they’d be good at … but not if it’s something they genuinely don’t want to do!

  2. You’re blog is exactly what I needed to read today and yesterday and probably tomorrow too. I want to be in the next stage of my life, with a business and a blog and a supportive relationship. I have to give myself a break and trust the journey to all of these things. I want to do it all, know it all and have it all, I am reminding myself that first I have to learn it all. I look at you and see all these wonderful things you are doing but I have to remember that you didn’t just appear here in this space you got here step by step, just as I will walk the path on my journey. Thank you Kelly

    1. Post
      Author

      Pleasure Lucy. And you’re right! Anything I’ve managed to do to this point has been arrived at much slower than I would like. But I’ve gotten there in the end!

  3. 8. Resist the urge to normalise overwhelm
    This is so important to me right now. It’s not normal to feel like you have a rope around your neck.
    Thank you for your post today, I walked away and sat outside for 10 minutes. The world didn’t crumble around me.

    1. Post
      Author

      Ah – excellent Liz! That is good to hear because you are right – that ‘rope around your neck’ feeling definitely shouldn’t be normal!

  4. Thanks Kelly. Great advice. It’s all stuff I know, but I need that reminder, especially the one about self-compassion!

    1. Post
      Author
    1. Post
      Author
  5. Resist the urge to normalize overwhelm

    Great words. Thank you. That is exactly what is happening in our lives and the lives of so many friends. They are overwhelmed with their responsibilities, activities, commitments and they don’t recalibrate. Great food for thought.

    1. Post
      Author

      Thanks so much Sam – I reckon if we can just start questioning the level of overwhelm we’re accepting as part of life, that’s a step in the right direction!

  6. Hey Kelly,

    Indeed an Interesting post.

    It is very common that we get confused or we sometimes feel busy, when we have mutiple tasks in our hand, so it really becomes important to prioritize the work, it can not only make our mind relax, but we will be able to provide better quality in our work.

    By the way, Thanks for the tips Kelly.

  7. I “constantly” feel like I’m re-calibrating, and I’ve often thought I must be crazy for doing so. But that is something I’ve slowly been realising – it’s very healthy to do so, as it helps make sure that I’m staying on the path I want to be, instead of blindly going off track in all directions and ending up well and truly lost.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *