The engagement


He types “how to propose” into Google and is a bit dismayed to find there are no detailed instructions to be found anywhere.

She’s starting to get a bit tired of people (ok, mostly her mum) asking “when do you think he’ll propose?”

He goes into the jewellery shop at the local shopping centre and says “show me your most conservative engagement rings”.

He really needs a second opinion on the ring. One of his best friend’s girlfriends says she’d be happy to offer one up. He thinks the safest place to show it to her is in the bedroom. With the door closed.

“I’ve got that magazine I was telling you about” she says, “It’s in the bedroom.”

His heart falls through the floor as the door opens. So he does the only logical thing: he flings the box away and yells “Kel, what are you doing?”

She backs out of the room a bit bewildered. But assumes if her boyfriend is sitting on their bed with one of his best friend’s girlfriends, then there must be a logical reason for it. She doesn’t see the box.

“Fuck fuck fuck she’s seen the box. I’m going to have to get something else in a box to throw her off the scent.”

It’s Christmas day. They’ve been together for 10 years. Her heart jumps when she unwraps the jewellery box. She slowly opens it to find … earrings.

Tantrum. Signature ‘all quiet and upset but pretending she’s not’ Kel tantrum. I can’t understand it. She said she really likes the earrings.

He calls her Dad. “Denis, I have a favour to ask you. Could I have your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

{Denis’s mind is still on the ‘someone needing a favour’ part} “Yeah of course, sure sure. Wait … who is this?”

She books a holiday in Tassie. They’ll be travelling over with some friends.

He asks “will we get some time alone in Tassie?”

She gets irritated. Why on earth is he wanting to ditch her friends?

He sees her moving towards the bag. The one with the ring hidden in it. He flies out of his chair “what do you need? Let me get it for you.”

She’s never seen him move so fast. Or be so helpful.

They’re in a Cradle Mountain hotel getting ready for dinner. He’ll do it at dinner he decides. He slips the ring box into his jeans pocket. Holy hell, ring boxes are big. She’s going to notice. But the ring has to stay in the box. In all the movies a proposal involves opening a box.

She notices he seems super-agitated. “Must be hayfever,” she thinks.

They have a lovely dinner.

And at the table next to them, a guy proposes to his girlfriend.

She thinks, “Aw, that’s nice.”

He thinks, “Oh that’s just great. Well I can’t propose here now.”

They’re back in their room. She’s fiddling with the heater. It’s bloody cold.

He goes on the balcony then changes his mind. “It’s too cold out there.”

“Too cold for what?”

As she turns he pulls out the ring box, gets halfway down to bended knee before realising his basketballer knees are not up for the job, then awkwardly asks, “Kel, will you marry me?”

She looks at ring hardly believing her eyes. She’d come to the conclusion this was never going to happen. She says …

“Are you serious?”


I will always love the story of Ant going into a jewellery shop and asking to see “your most conservative rings” because that is exactly me and I love that he knew that. And I love that the ring he ended up choosing was also exactly me.

So last week, when I lost my wedding ring (which is actually my engagement ring), it sealed the deal that it was the Worst. Week. Ever.

But then this week I found it.

In my handbag.

Which I’d searched three times.

Which means ‘This week’, you’re going ok thus far.