Unconditional love from family and friends gave me a safe place from which to take two steps forward, one step back, one step sideways.
Of course, I never said a flat out ‘No’ to someone’s face. That was a step too far for me, someone who was addicted to people-pleasing.
Why is it that we need to get permission to do the things we know we need to do? Is it because they always involve disappointing someone?
I thought it was arrogant and unrealistic of me to want the achieving without wanting to pay the price everyone else was paying.
Telling ourselves we’re ‘great’, or ‘doing a good job’, or daring to articulate the big dreams we have goes against much of our social programming.
When it comes to change, it’s easy to see self-sabotage and regression as the same thing because they lead to the same place.
It was tough to live. For those who loved me it was frustrating to watch. And I beat myself up mercilessly for every regression.
Whenever I find myself struggling and going into what I call ‘grasping’ mode, I know it’s time to check in with my values.
Whenever I’m really struggling, I go searching for magic bullets and secret sauces. I become convinced there’s ‘one thing’ that’s just going to ‘change everything’
I knew how much work lay ahead of me in terms of getting better, and, frankly, I was terrified of what that work looked like.
I just couldn’t see how or when things were going to get ‘better’, and it occurred to me that it would be easier for everyone if I was gone.
My husband knew I was stressed, depressed and distant, and did what he could to help. But the fact was, I didn’t want help.
Confronted by heaving sobs upon his confirmation, my doctor was bewildered, ‘What’s so awful about being pregnant right now?’
When you’re someone who bases their self-worth on hearing people say, “Wow, you’re amazing” a lot of choices are swept off the table.
Call it ‘diversifying your gold star portfolio’. If you’re performing poorly in one area of your life, no worries, you can ramp up another two. Or ten.
I’m not one for acting or speaking rashly. Which is why, when I look back on the past 40 years, there are only two things I genuinely regret.
Every client had different expectations about speed, quality and price. Instead of ascertaining what those expectations were, I made assumptions instead.
Improvement is what drove me. People thought I loved being competitive with others. The reality was, the person I’ve always most loved competing with is myself.
Remember the episode of The Simpsons where the teachers are on strike and Lisa falls to her knees and begs Marge: ‘Grade me, grade me!’. That was me.
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